Let Him Suffer For Good

The most underrated harm we deal with in our daily lives is the suppression and humiliation of a child over his choices — especially when he finally tries to stand up for himself.
In Pakistan, parental interference in academic and career dictation, marital choices, boundary issues, and stigma is considered normal. What most parents do is spoon-feeding, which slowly turns into head-to-toe control over their child’s life.
It is heartbreaking how many people suffer from self-denial, numbness, humiliation, self-doubt, over-dependence, and indecisiveness — just because of their parents’ overprotection and control, disguised as care.
As a teacher, I have observed that in a class of 40, almost 20 students do not know what they really want to do. They are deeply dependent on their parents’ choices. A student told me he wanted to do Literature but his father had already decided CS for him. He didn't argue. He just went numb . This poison starts with what a kid should wear and ends with what an adult must do in the future.
So many of us have experienced this dramatic emotional blackmailing throughout our lives. Surviving among them became not a choice, but the only option for most of us.
I am not saying that parents do this purposely to harm us, but it is somehow affecting our innate abilities. Every person is born with free will, so why is he not allowed to live freely? Why is he not able to experience a good life on his own terms?
I think Gen Z and Gen Alpha are not similar to Millennials, Gen X, or Gen Y. Parents tried to protect their children according to what they thought was bad, but the world has evolved. Nothing is like the 90s anymore.
Some of us are still insecure and denying ourselves even before testing our capabilities — just because we were taught, “We are elders, let us take your decisions because you know nothing about the world.”
I just want to ask: When will he be able to choose? When will he be able to know this world? And when will you let him stand for himself?
I genuinely respect those parents who guided and motivated their children, gave them respect and counselling, and let them choose what they wanted for their future. There is a huge difference between leading and benefacting.
Parents should guide their offspring to make their own choices and teach them how to deal with failure. Not everything done in the name of a child's good is actually good for his future.
Every child should have an identity through which he introduces himself. The name you gave him will stay with him forever and I think that is enough.
Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s innate abilities, his boundaries, and his mind development. You all did enough. Whenever he becomes an adult, let him use his developed mind. Let him try to examine his innate abilities and let him be what he actually is. Don’t force him to pretend.
Let him decide for once, and I assure you he’ll never let you fail if you provide him the freedom of living on his own.
Let him suffer for good...